Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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