So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize