Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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