FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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