uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
