Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
