Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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