Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think I sprained my soul last night
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
