You can't motorboat a personality
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
