I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
