I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
