walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
