So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
