Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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