thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
