so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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