When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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