Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
