Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
