we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
