How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's blow job season.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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