The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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