do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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