Your dad touched me again.
I look better un-naked...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize
