were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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