Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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