She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
