lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
