Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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