I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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