i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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