It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
