Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
