i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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