Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
