Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
