1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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