The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
