my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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