MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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