yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
