In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
