can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
