She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
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When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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