Me too!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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