Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
bring money and cleavage
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
