My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
