i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
