Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
