So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
