If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
