I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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