ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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