just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
