can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
bring money and cleavage
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
