Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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