she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
