When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.