the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
