i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.