A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
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Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
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Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.