speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
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We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?