HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian