I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
