We're like a lot better than the average bears
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
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Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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