before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
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I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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