Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
