Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
