I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
