Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
