there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
