Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
