I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
