So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
