If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
