I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
